Of Living Under The Tiger Reign and Other Things: Happy Birthday Bese!

Sorry if I can't be there physically on your birthday. Sorry if I haven't given you the love you deserve. Sorry if  I fail to appreciate the sacrifices you've made. While we may fail you as your children, the Heavenly Father sees everything and I am sure will reward you richly. There will be things we will never see eye to eye to with, choices I will make that you might disapprove, points of contention we can only pray about but I just want to greet you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY MA ! Here's my message for you... 

Because she deserves to be loved. In the best ways a woman, a wife, a mother should be. If that alone should be based on the proportion one loves, that is.  But it isn’t. Because love is unselfish. And she showed us that.

Allow me to take you down memory lane…

July 15 0r July 17. 62^nd or 61^st. Bessie Lee or just Bese. Her birth certificate has confused even her. It was a good thing the DFA issued her a passport despite the confusing details on her birth.

Born to a brood of 10 in the rural town of Barotac Viejo, the third child, eldest among the females, it was inevitable for her to be the strong woman that she is. I know little about her childhood actually. Except that they lived near the town center. In Tupas Street in fact, her maiden name. 

With some of her siblings: Ping-Ping, Milo, Wena and Ma

She was relocated to Manila in her high school under the strict auspices of her aunt Narra Tupas (now Prado). (To this day, we still consider her our other beloved grandma. Miss you Lola!)

College saw her experimenting with different things. But the most pivotal happening in this part of her life perhaps is when she was introduced to Jesus as her personal Savior. This was, I believe, the time she got baptized. 

She graduated with a degree in BS Psychology from the University of Iloilo. She was the president of the College of Arts and Sciences from the same university. Smart, active, a student leader to boot, it was not surprising that she would have a lot of suitors (hahaha). She chose an ace basketball varsity player, Economics major, fratboy with a quiet disarming charm who is my father. (Yes, I am my papa’s girl.) 

Very much in love, they consummated their relationship in a simple civil wedding ceremony in January 1980 with consent feely given in the present of the solemnizing officer and two witnesses of legal age. Thereby complying with the essential and formal requisites of marriage…. (What?!)  The following year, March 18, 1981 to be exact, their first fruit of love was born in the person of Rofel. Or Toto Love as he is known to date. During that time, they went to the Baptist Church since my father is (was) a member of that denomination.

Life wasn’t easy for the young couple. Especially for their growing brood. Because Paul followed in 1984, Faith in 1987, and me in 1989.( By this time, my mother was again a member of the Seventh Day Church in Jaro). And Mat-mat in 1996. (which is another story) My father worked in SM during that time while my mom was a housewife, running the boarding house. But despite that, all of us graduated from private schools elementary. (Except technically for me. I am a proud public school student on my sixth grade). 

The Hard Part

My dad got sick in 2000. He couldn’t walk or move his neck for six months. It was my mom who did backbreaking labor as literature evangelist, massage therapist, pulvoron vendor etc during this particularly difficult part of our life. She left home early in the morning and went home late at night. And she had to attend to my father even though she was exhausted to the bone. 

Sentosa Park Circa 2014

The following year, 2001, our youngest brother died. She could have given up. She almost did. I saw her crying every night, sometimes silently, sometimes hysterically. I could probably never understand the grief, the pain, the sorrow that pierced her soul and affected her physically at the fact that she outlived her child. But she chose to fight. Only by God’s grace she did. 

HK Ocean Park 2012

Now

There’s no ending yet of course. The pen of her life story is still in God’s hand. We all graduated. And one of us has his own family right now. 

The struggles she went through, the nights spent kneeling beside her sleeping children’s bed, pleading for God’s blessings, the heartaches, the hardships though unnoticed by many was and is not lost in God’s sight. For whatever victories, milestones, and achievements she and this family have achieved, all glory is ascribed to the Heavenly Father. And the instruments He used to help us. From generous relatives, to church members who are like family, and even to total strangers. 

She is not with her faults of course. But on this day, I’d like to look back at her laudable moments and praise God for the godly example she has been of a woman, a wife, a mother, and a servant of God.

To be honest, everyone who knows us personally would say that I am closer to my father than my mother. But it is undeniable that she had a huge influence on us kids because she spent more time with us. 

#sheTaughtMe a lot of things. I’m the stubborn, angsty kid who if possible would rebut all her rules just for the sake of it. But when she set a rule, we obeyed. No ifs and buts. 

With Tita Rassel Hinojales

10 Bese Trivias

1. She put a premium on education. Though disapproving of my choice of books, she would let me spend the summer in her room with a stack of books, reading the whole day (without lunch breaks). She devised ways and means to make sure we had a good primary education, believing that it would prepare us for advanced learning. And yes, it was only at her prodding that I decided to study in UP and take graduate studies. 

2. Her preaching can last for hours. I mean, hours. Because it would be directed at everyone, and then individually. Then repeat. Everyone…. Individually… Repeat. We even joked about just recording it so she wouldn’t have to exert effort every time she “preaches at home.”

3. Rules are rules. She sought to be as consistent as she could when it came to following the house rules when we were young. We had to be home 12pm and 5pm when I was in elementary. And I remember being terrified because it was past 12pm already and I was still in the Henry Luce III Library during an (epic!) book sale. Yep, there were consequences for this. They had to adjust when I was in college though. Haha. 

Church behaviour was another stiff rule. Beside her was the only place you could be during the divine service. Until the afternoon service. Squirm in discomfort all you want but you can’t even whimper. One stern look from her was enough. Makuha ka sa tingin. Kung hinidi pa rin, sa isang masakit sa pisil sa hita. This would leave one teary eyed I swear. 

Tis little wonder why I took great affinity upon reading the blurb jacket of Amy Chua’s Battle Hymn to A Tiger Mother. Her ten rules at home, in more ways than one, resonated with our upbringing. Not to say that that is the correct parenting style, but yes some of those were imposed by my mom as well, pre-Amy Chua’s publication. 

4. She can make a friend, fast. Then try to find the connection to the family tree or to her community, faster. Case in point: we had different seats in the airplane on our way home from Puerto Princesa City. I was seated across them, with the aisle between. There was a stranger beside her. Well, on touchdown to Iloilo City, the stranger had a name, was actually a neighbor of our church, reasons for staying in Puerto Princesa, length of stay, etc. 

5. She is definitely madiskarte sa buhay. Hands down. God has definitely gifted her with skills to survive and even thrive in scarcity. From making hair ribbons (which I sold when I was in Grade 2), to selling books, barquiron, catering, massage, her liaison services etc. Her ability to think quickly on her feet. Being insistent about her plans and visions despite opposition even from us. (Now you know where the obstinacy comes from). 

6. She’s a great cook. I was initially worried when my sister and I became vegetarians overnight. But she supported us, although I had a sneaky suspicion she wanted us to adapt this diet long before we did. The varied and flavorful dishes she and Pa cooked definitely helped us in sticking to our diet. 

7. She speaks her mind. At a cost sometimes. 

8. She doesn’t know how to play any musical instruments. Hmmm (Not sure if she knows how to play the guitar). Surprise there. But her leadership prowess proved useful when she led our children’s choir eons ago. Take note, leadership prowess. Haha

9. She has many ampons. 

 

10. She, along with Papa, shared to us the beauty of traveling. At a drop of a hat, we would be on the road to nowhere. I remember our beat up Volkswagen van having sheets and pillows, a makeshift bed at the back because it’s not a remote possibility we’ll be heading somewhere at a moment’s notice. From Manila, to Cebu, Samar, Leyte, nearby islands, provinces, in the next city or municipality, through the long boat ride (which must have been a lot of challenge and inconvenience for them considering there were four of us chikitings), in cramped buses, small bancas, crowded jeepneys. Adventure starts at home.

In closing, allow me to lift passages from the pen of inspiration* in gratitude to the woman who gave birth to me and raised me.

The Queen of the Home. The king upon his throne has NO HIGHER WORK than has the mother. The mother is queen of her household. She has in her power the molding of her children’s characters, that they may be fitted for the higher, immortal life. 

Thanks Ma for giving us your unadulterated time and attention during our formative years. You could have had a lucrative and personally fulfilling career yet you chose to give that up so you can become the mother God wants you to be. You have been both queen and sometimes king of the household. You’ve set a high standard for us to follow in the area of motherhood. Your God-given strength especially in the face of the mountains and adversities you have faced in your life is something we, your children, can only pray and aspire to have. 

The mother’s work is given her of God, to bring up her children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. 

Thank you for teaching us about God’s word. Thank you for allowing us to attend church camps, unsupervised and even with the financial constraints you perpetually faced. Thank you for the example you set of giving our best whenever we serve God through participating in church activities. For teaching us that one does not need to be elected or appointed to a position before one can serve; divine appointment is all we need. 

Outreach in Suha

Thank you for instilling in us the distinct holiness of keeping the Sabbath not just in our hearts but in our outward acts as well. No TV, studying, playing, reading pocketbooks, secular music, or school on Sabbath. One did not question this rule at home. Later on in our lives, we understood the Biblical and inspired basis these “limitations” so it wasn’t hard for us to keep it. 

Prayers

And in view of your responsibility, (I PRAY that you continue to) develop a well-balanced mind and a pure character, reflecting only the TRUE, the GOOD, and the BEAUTIFUL.

… for a hunger for the Holy Spirit to shed areas on your life that needs pruning, improvement, changes.

… for a heart to forgive and a mind to forget…

… for constant joy in the service of Christ…

… for grandchildren :D …

… for a house and a garden to till in the countryside…

… for more years filled with love and rich with blessings…

… for more patience and less wrinkles..

...  for more travels here and abroad . .. 

… for more people to touch, to reach out, and more souls to bring to His feet…

The world needs mothers who are mothers not merely in name but in every sense of the word. We may safely say that the distinctive duties of woman who are more sacred, more holy, than those of man.

The world needs more mothers like you! Happy Birthday!

*From the Adventist Home by Ellen G. White